Hey - Chris here again, shanghaiing Patti’s blog.
I realize I should be using this time to blog about the weddings we shot recently. Or share some funny moments from the family ski trip we took to Mt. Hood a couple weeks ago. And I will in a little while. However, I believe right now it is vital I bring your attention to an alarming crisis that is sweeping across this cherished land we call home. Yes…. I am speaking of the lack of etiquette and common sense….. at the Red Box video vending machine. For those who are not familiar with this device, it is simply a vending machine that dispenses CD’s of popular movies that you can take home to view and then return to any other Red Box the next day. The disc’s rent for $1.00 a day. The machines are located at just about every McDonald's I have ever seen, Wal-Mart, various other national chain stores, truck stops, ect, ect, ect. It is a brilliant business model.
OK, now that we are all on the same page, let’s begin. (And I know I may offend some with this but please take this in the spirit it is given, which is simply this – be aware of others and play nice!)
I am going to lay down the Proper Red Box Etiquette in a 3 step approach. And yes , this is set in stone. No, it is not negotiable.
- HAVE A PLAN
This would seem redundant to even list. Especially in the number one spot. I mean, who would just wander up to a giant red object without some sort of idea about what was going to take place? But that is exactly the problem. Because as you are staring at all the pretty colors and being hypnotized by all the possible movie options you could choose from - all for only a dollar each, a line has begun to take shape behind you. And they all have a PLAN. And they all have other places they would rather be.
- THE PLAN
What I mean by this is have some idea about what movie you are after. The Red Box people even give you a little sneak peak as to what the latest releases and popular movies are available with pictures on the side of the machine. Maybe watch the people in front as they navigate thru the touch screen interface if this is your first time interacting with this wonderful concept. That way you will not be intimidated or confused when you get your turn.It is here that I am about to wander into a mine field, but I really feel this must be said….. The Red Box is not a teachable moment or techno field trip for your kids. There. I said it. Window shopping is not allowed. This goes back to having a PLAN. Decide with your little ones before you get your turn at the screen what movie you are going to get. Or at least narrow down to a specific genre. I like to tell my kids the Red Box is really put there by Santa and he has a camera and voice recorder. He is looking for kids that argue with there parents and then they won’t get presents at Christmas. Why else would the giant thing be Red?
- EXECUTE THE PLAN
Know what you are going to do. Be ready to interact with the machine in an authoritative, confidant, and assertive manner. Have your movie wish list prioritized so if your first choice is out you can move to your second option. Don’t get caught flatfooted. It is embarrassing for you and it really bugs your line mates. If you are returning a disc, get it done. No lallygagging. It should be pointed out that if you are in line to pick out a movie and a new player arrives to the line with what is clearly a disc to be returned, you have to ask if they are indeed retuning. If they say yes, you must let them take cutts’ies. It’s a classy move and will raise your stock in the karma department. If you, the disc returner, use the fast pass and get to the front of the line to return, you are committed. You are to return the disc and get - out – of – the - way! Under no circumstance can you call an audible and begin browsing for a movie rental. If there is more than two people that you moved in front of and you pull this brain dead move, you will incite a level of anger and violence on par with an English soccer match. You can of course move to the back of the line and wait your turn to make a selection. If I were you, I would use the time to formulate a PLAN.
OK, so let’s recap
1. HAVE A PLAN
2. THE PLAN
3. EXECUTE THE PLAN
We can do this people. This country put a man on the moon (allegedly). Defeated fascism, & communism. Cured polio. Created Dancing with the Stars (I think. Or did we rip that one off from the Brit’s too?)
These three simple steps can be the first big step in re establishing etiquette and common sense in this crazy world. Who knows, this could be just the thing that brings about world peace. Or at least gets me through that line in time to get home before my fries get cold. I hate that!
